Stay-At-Home-Mom

This is a title I've been envious of since I started back to work when Adeline was 5 months old.  You can't imagine the feeling of leaving your child with someone else (even if you completely trust that person), until you've had to do it.  To put it as my mom did, it's like taking your heart out of your chest and walking away from it for however many hours you're at work.  I have been dreading that day ever since I took off on maternity leave.  As the holidays quickly approached I felt more and more a sense of dread knowing that as soon as they were over, I'd be back at work, leaving BOTH my girls with someone else, someone I hadn't even found yet.  I was starting to have nightmares about it.  I was starting to get emotional and sick to my stomach thinking about it.  Then, miraculously, we decided as a family that I can now be a full-time Stay-At-Home-Mom!!!  I want to just jump for joy and I'm smiling from ear to ear as I type this.

It wasn't an easy decision, though.  I went through a range of emotions as we contemplated taking this step.

1. Fear:  Can I really do this?  Can my girls learn everything they need to know in those pre-school years from me?  Am I going to lose a part of myself by not practicing as an Occupational Therapist for the next 5 years?  Are we really going to be able to make ends meet during this time?
2. Guilt:  I love my job.  I feel called to do it.  I've grown attached to my kids at work and their families and I think they're attached to me.  Am I just deserting them?  Now I will no longer be contributing financially to our family.  
3. Anxiety:  What are these next 5 years going to be like?  Will I be able to get a job I love just as much when my girls get in school?  Will I still be a good OT if I don't practice for 5 years?  

But most of all I just feel pure, unbridled...

ELATION:  The thought that I don't ever have to leave my girls with a stranger again makes tears come to my eyes and my heart race.  I will always be the one taking care of them when they're sick.  I will be the one giving Annabel her medicine and monitoring her heart.  I will be the one teaching my girls about Jesus, manners, and everything else.  Except for trips to grandmas, I will get to see these two faces every single day, all day.

Lots of prayer and these words from family & friends have made me feel even better about this decision...

Jon:  We have to do what is best for our girls.  We can't think about ourselves.  And what is best for our girls is for you to be the one with them every day.

My Mom:  They grow up so fast.  Those five years will go by so quickly and you'll never be able to get them back again.

Shannon:  Five years is all you have with them all to yourself, then they're gone to school or somewhere else more than they're with you for the rest of their lives.

Ashley:  Nobody can or will take better care of your kids than you.

Amanda:  My mom was always home with us as kids and I absolutely loved it.  I am so thankful I had that time with her.

Carley:  You will never regret this decision.  You will never look back and think, "I really wish I would have worked while my kids were little."

These words are all so true and I'm so thankful to have such supportive friends & family.  Now, Mommy duty calls....